I Didn't Know It Was Just And Act
by Trinketesque
Summary: Victor and Yuuri are about to take their relationship to the next level, however, before anything happens, Victor has a panic attack. Rated T for pre-smut at the beginning but I swear nothing happens.


AN: Hey guys! This is another Victuuri oneshot, enjoy! I had fun writing so I hair you have fun reading. Just like last time, you can see the fanart this is based off of on Wattpad (my name is Trinket there). I didn't revise 'cause it's boring but I don't  
think it could bethat bad. I OWN NOTHING! THIS IS PURE FICTION! 

* * *

"Victor…" Yuuri gasped as he felt the grip on his waist tighten. Victor pulled back slightly from the kiss, looking into his eyes with lust "Are we really doing this?"

"If you want to." He whispered, kissing the back of his neck, making him shudder.

I can't believe this, I'm about to have sex with my boyfriend, one of the most wanted guys out there. My hero, my role model actually wants me.

Yuuri lifted his hands off of Victor's waist and gently guided them under his shirt, making his breath hitch. Victor leaned forward placing his head on Yuuri's shoulder in bliss.

"Oh god, I want this."

With that Victor lifted his head and backed up from where he held Yuuri against the wall. He grabbed both of his hands in his and led them to the bedroom.

Yuuri closed the door and, before I knew it, he was pressed up against it by Victor's firm hold. His hands instantly went under Yuuri's shirt, his slender fingers sliding gracefully along the smooth expanse of skin.

Yuuri's head flew backwards when Victor attached his lips to his neck, gently sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin. A small moan escaped both of their lips.

Victor then grabbed Yuuri's hips driving them both backwards until Yuuri fell onto the bed. The eldest was on top, still sucking at the others neck.

Yuuri then grabbed Victor's head bringing him up for a heated kiss. The two had made out multiple times before, yet, for some reason, something was off. Victor seemed almost out of it.

He was fine earlier, right? Now that he thinks about it, Victor did fumble slightly more than usual. His hands were faintly shaking. Wait, did Victor not want this?

"Victor… are you oka-" Yuuri was shut up when his boyfriend grabbed his crotch. A loud moan escaped his lips at the friction,  
his eyes closing in pure bliss.

The oh so beautiful feeling was quickly gone as Victor removed his hand almost instantly.

Yuuri opened his eyes to see Victor's sorrowful face, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Victor's shaky hand (it was evident now) was suspended in the air until it gently placed itself on Yuuri's cheek.

"I'm so, so sorry Yuuri… I'm gonna go…" he lifted himself off the bed and went running for the door. A second longer and Yuuri wouldn't of been able to grab his wrist.

"Victor, wait! What just happened?" His boyfriend was still tugging at his hand trying his hardest to leave.

"No, Yuuri! Let go!" The tears that stung his eyes earlier were now cascading down his face and dripping off his chin.

With one good tug, Yuuri managed to bring the eldest into his chest. Holding him tightly in a bone crushing hug.

"Victor," Yuuri whispered "talk to me."

Victor grabbed at Yuuri's shirt with white knuckles. Loud sobs erupted from the man he loved most, his shirt dampened from tears. It hurt just seeing him like this.

He went to hold Victor closer, but was pushed away by his boyfriend. Victor fell to the ground heaving heavily. He was on his hand and knees, one fist clawing at his own chest. Yuuri knelt down to his level.

Shit. This was bad.

"Victor, listen to me." Yuuri's hands hovered over the other man, he was surprisingly calm "You have to breath. Victor, breath with me. In for five, hold for seven, out for ten. One, two, three…"

After about half an hour, Victor's breathing was almost even. He was still shuddering, tears still spilling out of his eyes.

"Victor, can I touch you know?"

The eldest looked up and gave a slight nod. Yuuri looked straight into his eyes and his heart broke. They were red and puffy, filled with so much sorrow and fear. He looked so broken.

Yuuri gently placed his hands on Victor's shoulders. He moved forward slightly and enveloped the man in a warm hug. His boyfriend melted into his arms immediately.

Yuuri cradled his love in his arms. He leaned against the door Victor had previously tried to escape from, still holding the other tightly in his arms. He reached one hand upwards and gently threaded his fingers through the platinum locks.

"Victor, tell me what happened."

There was a long pause "Promise you won't laugh…"

Yuuri's neck almost snapped looking down so quickly. His face was filled with confusion. Victor just hid himself in the crook of his neck. Yuuri held him tighter than before trying to get his point across.

"Why the hell would I do that?" At those words Victor curled up even more to his boyfriend, Yuuri just kissed his head.

"When I was a kid, I had just turned thirteen-" he choked on a sob that ripped through his body, but Yuuri just rubbed his back, waiting for him to continue "I went for a walk down my neighborhood… at night"

"Didn't you say your parents never let you do that? It was too dangerous." Yuuri already didn't like where this was going.

Victor nodded slightly into his chest "I snuck out…"

"Victor… what happened to you that night?"

"There was this man and a couple of his friends. I didn't see them. Not until it was too late." Instead of sounding sad or afraid, Victor was just numb.

"They dragged me into an alleyway, I was hopeless. Three grown men against one boy. They beat me whenever I tried to defend myself… they- they-"

"Shh, shh, Victor you're okay, you're safe. You're with your boyfriend, Yuuri, in your own house." Victor started to tremble again, a couple tears escaping his clenched eyes.

"They used me," another loud sob "Yuuri, it hurt so bad! It burnt like acid and felt like I was being torn in half! Yuuri! It hurt so bad!" Victor yelled, holding onto Yuuri with white knuckles, the youngest rocked back and forth trying to calm the other  
man down. He whispered sweet nothings and rubbed his back soothingly, yet nothing seemed to take affect.

"Victor, Victor look at me." The other didn't move a muscle.

Yuuri brought two fingers up to Victor's chin lifting his head to look deep into the cerulean eyes of his love. They were red rimmed, worse than before. Man Yuuri hated seeing Victor like this.

"I'll never let anyone do that to you. Not now, not ever again." He looked sternly into his boyfriend's eyes.

A couple tears slid down his cheeks, but, before they could fall to the ground, Yuuri kissed them away. Victor shoved his head back into the crook of his boyfriend's neck.

They stayed there for a few more minutes, eventually Yuuri got himself and Victor ready for bed. They cuddled together, Victor nudged into his boyfriend's side.

"You're the first one to find out…" he looked down to the foot of the bed, almost ashamed.

"What do you mean?" Yuuri turned to him, a brow arched in confusion.

"About me getting… raped… you're the first one to find out."

"What about your parents? Victor you said they beat you up."

"My face somehow managed to be unscathed. I wore long pants and sweaters for just over a month after. I snuck painkillers, they didn't really do much though."

"Oh Victor," Yuuri brought him closer again "why didn't you tell your parents, you could've been seriously injured, or worse you could've gotten something from-"

"I would've been in trouble for sneaking out. Honestly, I was more scared of that than anything else. And more than anything I was humiliated, way too embarrassed to tell anyone I couldn't defend myself when it mattered most."

"I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with that alone, especially at such a young age." Yuuri pecked the top of his head, then just ended up peppering his face with kisses. Man was he happy that it made Victor smile.

"That's why I'm always so flirty," he stated "it started out as a cover up, as a way to seem stronger instead of week. Eventually it just became part of who I am." Victor sighed.

Wait, what?! Victor's say he's not naturally flirty! All the sexy pictures, all the flirty and witty comebacks were just a cover up? A way to defend himself? How didn't I know it was all just an act? I know Victor better than anyone else, I should've  
known!

Yuuri's expression soon turned from worried and confused to guilty.

"I should've known…" he accidentally said aloud.

"Yuuri? How could you have? Not even my parents knew and I lived with them for years." Victor propped himself on an elbow looking down at the younger.

"It's different-"

"No it's not! Don't beat yourself up for this, you only did good. You listened, you didn't laugh… I couldn't of asked for anything more."

Yuuri's veins still coursed with guilt, but he brung down his lover, making Victor's head rest on his chest. A few minutes later the eldest speaks up again.

"I'm sorry about earlier… you probably wanted to-"

"Victor, shut up. I'd never want to have sex if you didn't feel comfortable. I want you to enjoy it just as much or more than I would." He feels a small tear fall on his bare chest.

"Yuuri…"

"Victor?"

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"I love you most."

"Impossible." 

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I really have nothing else to say except for hope y'all enjoyed! That's it for today folks, be loud, be proud, be you!

Arvoir, aardvarks! 


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